tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37173712011-08-16T15:19:11.403+08:00Trivial Tales From Someone Who's Always In ItVioletnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6501100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-44003877028567180822008-05-05T18:52:00.004+08:002008-05-05T18:56:40.719+08:00

... to http://www.yourcorrespondent.net/It's not quite finished but it's good enough to go. Maybe I'll even update it occasionally.Thanks for everything, Blogger. You'll always have a special place in my heart for being the first.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-52207214339932736392008-03-03T02:27:00.000+09:002008-03-03T14:42:57.581+09:00

Yesterday we went out on a friend's sailing ship. We swam, we snorkelled, we drank a shitload of beer and, when it was all over, we agreed it was one of the Top Five days we'd ever spent in North West WA.That, despite Your Correspondent's being stung by a jellyfish. I was bobbing squiffily in the water, when it suddenly felt as though a nettle plant was being dragged down my inner arm. I waited

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-22615785421790247252008-02-29T14:15:00.005+09:002008-02-29T15:19:43.826+09:00

First there was ...1. The HospitalAt the beginning of January, I had tonsillitis. (Could there possibly be anything more welcome in one's life than the return of a forgotten childhood disease, all grown up into a freakish hybrid that takes two courses of antibiotics to subdue? Of course there is. There's the asthma it leaves behind.)So when the Dreamboat started complaining of a sore throat

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-67689883423926821582008-02-09T13:17:00.000+09:002008-02-09T18:27:26.886+09:00

... as am I these days, one might think. But one would be wrong. I'm just too damn busy.My hair started to fall out sometime between last year's surgery and the subsequent radiotherapy. It didn't come out in clumps the way it does when you're having chemo; rather, it just thinned out and kept right on thinning.I lost about a third of it. When your hair's fine-textured to begin with, one third is

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-32610492590961961152007-11-27T16:53:00.000+09:002007-11-26T20:21:35.160+09:00

Far from it, mein superheroes. I've just been a little busy. And my laptop died.To pick up where we left off, here's the music I was nuked to:Day One: Amazing Grace played on the bagpipes (promptly taken off at my request) followed by Video Killed the Radio Star, courtesy of The Buggles (because it was such an improvement).Day Two: All Out of Love by Air Supply, briskly chased the fuck out of

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-73619663546222739072007-08-11T17:19:00.000+08:002007-08-11T17:33:24.466+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, Your Cancerous Correspondent had her first formal Karratha outing/airing after returning from Perth. Those who know me well will not be surprised to learn that this involved a visit to the hairdresser.My hairdresser is one of the few rock-solid institutions you can have in this world. She dressed my tresses back in 2003/4 when we lived here the first time ... and, lo and

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-21764102226083530772007-08-08T15:08:00.000+08:002007-08-08T21:26:33.455+08:00

It's much better than being dead from cancer, of course, but it's a slow and frustrating process all the same.I can't do anything.I can't lift anything over two kilos in weight. That's your average jug/kettle filled with water.I can't drive. I'm not supposed to squat or bend over. A thirty-minute walk leaves me sweating and buggered. When I stand up after sitting or lying for any length of time,

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-11979046484312579462007-07-08T16:01:00.000+08:002007-07-08T16:07:05.413+08:00

They let me out for the weekend but I’m due back later today. More surgery tomorrow, fuck it.Contrary to everyone’s expectations, a dissection of the organ-formerly-known-as-my-cervix revealed the cancer had spread there … meaning “They” are now taking nothing for granted. So tomorrow it’s back under the knife for me, whereupon a whole bunch of wee lymph node funsters will be removed and

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-78862799230896159082007-06-27T16:17:00.000+08:002007-06-28T17:57:20.790+08:00

When I return, I shall be less than I was. I may even finally be able to fit into that skirt I've been carting uselessly around Australia for nine years.No matter what happens, I take comfort in the knowledge that I'll never be sick enough to buy the knife block I saw in a shop here last week. It's in the shape of a human figure. The knives slide into the places where you'd expect to find vital

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-65104148426976269482007-06-20T14:52:00.000+08:002007-06-21T06:56:52.441+08:00

Can't really help it, I'm afraid. Its the biggest news going on at the Karratha Imperial Palace these days.I went back to work last week, which is why you haven't heard from me in a while. Couldn't keep away -- I love my job. Check it out.Since you and I last communed, The Dreamboat and Your Correspondent did another 500km round trip to Port Hedland so I could have a couple of CT scans and a

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-39770640457418017842007-06-06T09:21:00.000+08:002007-06-06T23:12:23.134+08:00

I won't lie to you, it's been a difficult week. The worst part's been telling other people and the worst of the worst was telling the Dowager Empress, my mother.I really didn't want to. I was half tempted to just keep my mouth shut. I was afraid of what the shock would do to her. More than that, though, I was scared of how she'd cope long term.You know how everyone's supposed to have a gift ...

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-50079229320946663332007-06-05T11:29:00.000+08:002007-06-06T11:59:36.192+08:00

On Friday 25 May, Your Apprehensive Correspondent was wheeled into an operating theatre at Port Hedland Hospital and Operation: Wee Cameras was duly carried out.Everything went smoothly, although in recovery my blood pressure plummeted to 58/36 and it took the better part of the day to wake me up again.Anything for a lie-in.My only other concern was the slight disfigurement of my once-perfect

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-23956521996354758162007-04-03T13:27:00.001+08:002007-04-03T13:43:02.727+08:00

Step Three: Go here. Because yep, that's where I am, right at this very minute. For two glorious nights. I am dead and in heaven.In case you were wondering, Heaven has high-speed broadband. It's still working on mobile phone coverage, however.We're in NZ for a week on holiday. It's not long enough but at the moment I'll take anything I can get right. The one molecule of well-being I had left was

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-32048812755453726442007-01-30T20:14:00.000+09:002007-01-30T21:53:10.195+09:00

It appears the gods weren't too impressed by Friday's facetious approach to ambulances and hospitals and gut-wrenching agony because, bugger me days, it happened again in the early hours of Saturday morning.The pain woke me at 1:50am. After staggering around the living-room clutching my abdomen for half an hour, I finally gave in and woke the Dreamboat. By around 3:20am, I was in the ambulance

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-59929810831810136102007-01-26T12:22:00.000+09:002007-01-26T14:11:02.723+09:00

Step 1: Land Up in Hospital ... AgainYep, back in mid-December, for the second time in ten months, Your Correspondent found herself putt-putting along to hospital in an ambulance. At least this time the Dreamboat saved me the trouble of ringing for the damned thing myself. After arriving home to find me carked out on the dunny floor, he concluded I probably couldn't be bothered.The ambulance

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1161256712021123282006-12-10T17:48:00.000+09:002006-12-10T22:07:22.199+09:00

"Just promise me one thing," begged the Dreamboat as we drove along some road in the Northern Territory back in September. "Promise me that this time round in Karratha, we won't ever go to Trawlers."The establishment known as Trawlers is what passes in Karratha for a nightclub, in the same way that the establishment known as Port of Call is what passes in Karratha for a brothel ... I've been

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1160708168658129332006-10-17T20:09:00.000+08:002007-01-26T14:13:37.663+09:00

... here's the lowdown on what's been happening since that last delicious post in Spain:August -- Early SeptemberSpent cavorting around in the Land of the Thistle, where we ate too much, didn't exercise nearly enough and were almost killed by the kindness of the Dreamboat's family and friends.A brief respite was gained with a weekend trip across the water to Belfast, where we ate too much, didn't

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1154366136567102272006-08-01T00:37:00.000+08:002006-08-01T08:12:15.390+08:00

This place is full of funny little surprises. For instance, people hang Venetian blinds on the outside of their windows here. They also put little panes of glass on the outside of the wooden panels on their front doors. The panels can be opened from the inside, creating mini windows.One of the oddest things we´ve come across happened last night when we were wandering around in the Albaicin,

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1154252011049654902006-07-30T16:28:00.000+08:002006-07-31T05:21:37.746+08:00

Dear EuropeI guess there must have been a time when the idea of turning the entire continent into one enormous construction site in the middle of your summer peak season actually made sense.France and Switzerland were impressive enough, but digging up the main road into and out of Granada to build a subterranean parking building was an act of pure genius.A Visitor Who Can´t Wait to See What It

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1152695585712123452006-07-12T16:57:00.000+08:002006-07-12T17:13:05.790+08:00

So here we be, the Dreamboat and Your Correspondent, waiting to board our flight to Dubai at Brisbane Airport's International terminal.I wanted to post regular updates over the last few weeks, I really did, but other stuff kept getting in the way ... like the bloody iPod the Dreamboat gave me last week as a surprise 'present'. Trying to master this beast has been the most time-consuming project

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1150953981048911052006-06-28T10:54:00.000+08:002006-06-28T16:55:13.890+08:00

Brett and Lyn are wonderful people. The Dreamboat and I worked with them on a construction job in Newcastle and then Whyalla (South Australia) from late 2000 to early 2002. Along with other friends Joe and Megan, we went on unforgettable, alcohol-fuelled camping trips around the Eyre Peninsula and north to the Flinders Ranges. We just knew we'd remain friends after the job finished and everyone

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1150425396122628132006-06-16T09:59:00.000+08:002006-06-16T11:24:09.593+08:00

Loose End the First:Happy Birthday to the Dreamboat. For yesterday.Blah blah blah ... know the post's a day late ... blah blah blah ... long hairdressing appointment ... blah blah blah ... sorry, babe ... blah blah blah ... three husbands ... blah blah blah ... my favourite ... blah blah blah ... blow job instead.Good. Tick that one off the list.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1148968539271329002006-05-30T13:16:00.000+08:002006-05-31T00:07:00.703+08:00

I can't believe I just titled a post "Westward Ho!". These little pointers to how lame I'm going to become in my declining years really terrify me.Today's news is that we're moving back to Karratha when we return from holiday. It's official. The Dreamboat was offered a job last Friday. We'll be there until early 2008 at least.Although I've done nothing but moan to various people over the last

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1148304930152073812006-05-23T21:13:00.000+08:002006-05-23T22:44:31.433+08:00

I should really just keep my mouth shut about things I enjoy.One minute, life is filled with innocence and delight: there I am, giving my volleyball team-mates a running commentary in Spanish during our game (El hombre se está cayendo! The man is falling! La pelota es blanca! The ball is white!). Or see over there ... I'm excitedly informing the Dreamboat that my daily bike rides finally do seem

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1147961514604825512006-05-19T12:04:00.000+08:002006-05-20T08:54:57.783+08:00

Because in two months, I'll be in Spain and there's nothing quite like a deadline to spur on fluency.I started online lessons on Tuesday night. My dentist, who has himself just returned from a holiday in Europe, mentioned the other day that he'd been reading about some outfit that seemed to be highly-regarded in "teaching another language" circles, so I told him I'd check it out. A few hours

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1144647661310667112006-04-12T08:50:00.000+08:002006-04-12T08:53:49.126+08:00

"I fucks yez and I buys yez pies. What more do ya want?"* You wanna know what a bogan is? Try here.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1144391558406816532006-04-10T07:48:00.000+08:002006-04-10T13:26:56.613+08:00

Think about it ... if you're capable of making a 000/111/999/911 call on your own behalf, doesn't that automatically put you in the 'not really an emergency' category? Does the person on the other end of the line take you less seriously because you're the one doing the screaming, rather than the partner/neighbour/bailiff who's just wandered in and found you?Such were Your Agonised Correspondent's

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1142926169713205682006-03-31T21:52:00.000+08:002006-04-01T05:06:17.573+08:00

... without a post.Firstly, thank you so much for your good wishes. I appreciate your kindness and your thoughts. Truly.Well, superheroes, I've been back in Australia nearly three weeks and you wouldn't believe the number of draft posts I've composed -- and discarded.Part of me wants to write some sort of tribute to Jane ... how she was my brother Steve's partner for fifteen years and how there

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1140696664484011842006-02-23T19:53:00.000+08:002006-02-23T20:11:04.516+08:00

For the second time in six months, I find myself back in New Zealand. I've been here a week, in actual fact. Life hasn't been overly gentle to the women in my family of late, and I figured I needed to get over here for a month to spare my family more crap and collect whatever bad mojo that's been allotted to me. Hiring a car, cooking meals and trying to be useful seemed like good ideas too.It

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1138025613353633772006-01-23T21:58:00.000+08:002006-04-10T08:25:49.006+08:00

2005 will go down as the year I gave up smoking, got fat again, worked for a great radio station and seriously neglected my blog* ...So thanks to the kind person who nominated hot water for Best Queensland Blog in the 2006 Australian Blog Awards. Thanks also to whoever nominated me for best West Australian Blog, even though I haven't lived in WA for over a year (which, I suppose, is why the

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1133568888972582292005-12-03T07:46:00.000+08:002005-12-03T08:14:49.006+08:00

Yes, I've started polling again. Such are the lengths I will go to for the enjoyment of my loyal readers -- I know how much you've adored my polls in the past. Knock yourselves out, superheroes! You can even vote for a selection. Yay, technology!In other news, tonight we're hosting a barbie. It's called the "Don'tcha Wish Yer Neighbours Were Hott Like Us?" barbie. We sent out invitations and gave

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1133217275824450972005-11-30T21:39:00.000+08:002005-11-30T21:39:39.770+08:00

Sometimes, Your Highly Sensitive Correspondent is overwhelmed by the relentless demands of an uncaring society and is forced to retreat, lest the exquisite-but-delicate flame of her soaring spirit be extinguished utterly.This is to do with an individual's perfectly natural desire for occasional seclusion.At other times, she gets drunk at a work function and repeatedly falls over in front of the

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1132585143285828212005-11-22T20:02:00.000+08:002005-11-22T20:12:55.813+08:00

About six months ago -- around the time Your Correspondent stopped smoking, actually -- the Dreamboat and I finally gave up all pretence of ever going back to our local Sparkly Gym. Or rather, I gave it up and the Dreamboat, suddenly afflicted with a mysterious case of helplessness, found himself incapable of going on his own and decided to compensate by playing volleyball three nights a week

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1132463382660505282005-11-20T11:52:00.000+08:002005-11-21T00:01:39.363+08:00

I cannot begin to convey to you how much I detest political correctness. From this ( a variation of which finally made it into Brisbane's Courier Mail only yesterday) to this, it seems a small but perky group of sociopaths is determined to make everyone else's lives hell ... for the common good, naturally.A few weeks ago, I attended a mandatory training session at work. The subject was Workplace

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1130977515552595842005-11-03T13:36:00.000+08:002005-11-03T13:58:37.850+08:00

One of the things that's always fascinated me about human psychology is the way we tend to make myths out of our lives. We take huge chunks of years and distill them into a single, mythic idea.Take a relationship, for example: Two people meet, fall in love, live together happily for a while, something goes wrong, it all starts to fall apart, one of them says or does something to precipitate the

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1130763945187853082005-10-31T21:05:00.000+08:002005-11-01T06:25:45.773+08:00

This should be the standard response whenever you and your beloved have pooled your Frequent Flyer points to fly Business Class from Brisbane to New Zealand and an attendant has offered you a choice of water, orange or champagne before take-off and it's 9:00am.Not only does it break the ice, it also demonstrates how much fun you are and how seriously you'll take any and all offers of alcohol

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1127545090241947522005-09-24T14:57:00.000+08:002005-09-24T15:56:25.240+08:00

It's been a week and a day since we moved house (yes, it's in Townsville and no, we're not planning to settle here permanently. There's two long-outstanding questions answered. And while I'm at it: no, Inquirer-Called-Reynard, the place doesn't have any windows. None at all. An oppressive sense of deep gloom hangs over everything, which is just the way the Dreamboat and I like it -- especially at

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1125620641897705032005-09-05T09:09:00.000+08:002005-09-24T14:27:33.750+08:00

The following examples have all been taken from recent newspaper and internet ads for Townsville properties. Read. Weep. Take to drink.1. "This house is just like my wife; it goes on and on."This guy not only has to bear the cross of his career choice but he's also channelling Rodney Dangerfield.2. "Lets not forget the immaculate gardens that environ this home: Absolutely outstanding! Every bit

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1125501433483468612005-08-31T21:58:00.000+08:002005-09-01T09:08:29.206+08:00

All images were brazenly stolen from the real estate agent's website ... because, considering the sort of people who find their way here, I'm hardly going to share our new address and how much we're forking out by linking to the actual page, am I?Our house / In the middle of our street ... (It's a song by Madness, don'tcha know.)

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1125501353233649182005-08-31T21:56:00.000+08:002005-09-01T00:02:06.863+08:00

Did I mention that our new house has a POOL? (Wheee!) Hopefully, garden statuary is not included.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1125501268763596962005-08-31T21:54:00.000+08:002005-08-31T23:59:54.256+08:00

A courtyard with ferns and rocks and shit ... just perfect for getting drunk in, I'm thinking.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1125098405929911892005-08-30T21:52:00.000+08:002005-08-30T23:01:00.996+08:00

I didn't want to write anything about the house until the finance was confirmed because ... well, how embarrassment otherwise:Post #1: We've bought a new house! It has a POOL and everything! Wheee!Post #2: I can't wait to move into our new house! I'm going to spend all my spare time in the POOL! Wheee!Post #3: Uhhh ... slight hiccup.Post #4: I hate fucking lending institutions.Post #5: Ixnay on

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1123711838195006642005-08-18T21:57:00.000+08:002005-08-20T08:31:03.106+08:00

Wednesday: StockWe all know that people do mad things for love. They'll climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, skydive, breed and even find ways to convince themselves that yes, Michael Bublé really does have something original going on there ... and all because they value the opinion of some other human being they don't want to lose.I've made all sorts of insane gestures in the name

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1122859762711262052005-08-09T11:45:00.000+08:002005-08-09T23:29:53.446+08:00

Monday: Alcohol is So Thrilling!Isn't it just the best thing ever created? Versatile, too. I love its affirming properties -- the way it helps you do anything you want and thereby makes your life (and, by extension, you) just that little bit more exciting and unpredictable.Thank you, alcohol. Thank you again. If not for you, last Monday night would've been just another dull smear in the

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1121992023325392952005-07-28T21:51:00.000+08:002005-07-30T23:37:34.596+08:00

1. Kris Kristofferson Likes His Coffee BlackI know this because today I made one for him. It was an espresso, no less. You don't give instant coffee to superstars.When I brought his drink into the studio, we were introduced. We shook hands. After his radio interview, I took a couple of photos of him with the presenter. We chatted briefly. Then he said, "Thank you, Niki" and left.He's gentle and

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1119997423860701702005-06-29T06:23:00.000+08:002005-06-29T07:04:06.393+08:00

This is doing the email rounds amongst our friends in WA. I'd like to thank them very much for sending it over to us. It's been at least two weeks since I had any nightmares worth mentioning.Click to get the image on a separate page, then right-click for full-sized horror. Enjoy!

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1119595384491624932005-06-25T09:51:00.000+08:002005-06-25T11:06:46.866+08:00

I normally enjoy talking to my mother the Dowager Empress but recently I've been dreading making the call. At some point she'd be bound to ask me how my knitting was getting on and then I'd have to tell her that I fucked up an entire sleeve and threw the whole thing to one side in disgust and have since been doing my best to forget I'd ever bought any accursed knitting paraphernalia by taking up

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1119369334430967582005-06-21T21:55:00.000+08:002005-06-22T11:34:32.480+08:00

Now that the Dreamboat's feet are accompanying mine in a stately but joyful tread through the fourth decade of our lives, I feel I can finally talk to him as an equal. As a fellow adult. That giddy thirty-nine-year old I married eight months ago has crossed some threshold or other and disappeared forever. In his place proudly stands a ... MAN.Yes, my superheroes -- a MAJESTIC man in his PRIME,

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1119246960210938722005-06-20T21:47:00.000+08:002005-06-22T11:01:23.033+08:00

So said the Dreamboat in our Sydney hotel room yesterday morning, as he hunted for painkillers and Berocca and winced a great deal.He was right. We do. More on that later.For now, though, I give you The Perfect Weekend in Melbourne and The Perfect Weekend in Sydney ... Mr & Mrs Dreamboat-style. Bear in mind that these were special occasions. We're not always this bloody decadent.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1118846299799259732005-06-15T21:58:00.000+08:002005-06-16T12:24:23.643+08:00

Which must be why I spent over five hours preparing food this afternoon and am now drunk.So kindly excuse me. It's late and there's a geriatric on the premises needing to be tucked in for the night.Pash an old bloke? Of course I would. I'm not proud.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1118463028339251762005-06-11T10:42:00.000+08:002005-06-12T00:46:54.543+08:00

Actually, it's not so much 'scars' as 'a bruise'. A big bruise, let me stress, which begins at the base of my right thumb and goes all the way down past my wrist. I scored this technicolour accessory last Sunday night after trying to climb a steep hill in the dark while very drunk. I thought I'd broken my nose as well and was disappointed to discover it had merely been knocked around a bit. Not

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1117404519161093152005-05-31T21:56:00.000+08:002005-06-01T17:16:04.323+08:00

1. Our house is still for sale.1a. The agent is a bigger bastard than I first thought ... and, given my contempt for real estate agents in general, that's really saying something.2. I haven't had a cigarette in twelve days.2a. The cravings are getting worse and I feel like shit most of the time. When are all the supposed health benefits supposed to kick in? If quitting smoking only ensures that

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116859110189101392005-05-24T11:42:00.000+08:002005-05-25T14:37:16.770+08:00

... because hell, my life's just not fucking exciting enough at the moment. Giving up smoking -- when I'm homicidally hormonal and while our house is on the market and we're forced to deal with lobotomised dick-whackers on a regular basis -- seems like just the thing to perk up my otherwise pallid existence.I'll be blunt: I love smoking. I don't care if it's bad for me. Lots of things are bad for

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116388093017171942005-05-18T09:20:00.000+08:002005-05-18T14:40:05.410+08:00

It was like a plot-line for a C-grade sitcom:It's Monday. Woman is in house. Woman leaves house. Woman drives to local shop. Woman is gone exactly fifteen minutes. Woman returns home to find 'For Sale' sign on her front lawn. Woman notes name and number of real estate agent. Woman makes phone call.Woman: I'm ringing to inquire about the 'For Sale' sign outside [the Pocket Palace].Agent: There

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116212679734191122005-05-16T11:05:00.000+08:002005-05-17T02:03:13.100+08:00

... at Jourama Falls in Paluma National Park and Your Correspondent didn't take a single photo. So here's a few from our Easter excursion to Dalrymple National Park instead. It was the first time I'd ever used manual settings and the results were somewhat mixed.Click for larger versions if you find any of these pics enthralling.Beer o'clock.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116212580368032452005-05-16T11:02:00.000+08:002005-05-16T11:22:05.266+08:00

River beds contain lots of coloured stones. I bet you didn't know that.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116212641806962212005-05-16T11:01:00.000+08:002005-05-16T11:39:32.993+08:00

In which Your Correspondent tries to come to grips with 'depth of field'. Apart from a portrait of the Dreamboat, this one's my favourite.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116212424889831992005-05-16T11:00:00.000+08:002005-05-16T11:00:24.956+08:00

It was misty. No shit.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1116031448326522012005-05-14T08:07:00.000+08:002005-05-14T08:44:08.376+08:00

I didn't find the song ... but I did wake up yesterday morning to find I had a hangover of massive proportions. I also, upon subsequently checking my email, found a confirmation notice from an online music supplier, informing me that my order for two Heaven 17 CDs was on its way.Alcohol, credit card and the Internet ... it's a disastrous combination, folks.Thanks to the hangover, my plan to get

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115907039527045092005-05-12T21:40:00.000+08:002005-05-12T23:26:57.493+08:00

Does anyone remember a song called Crushed by the Wheels of Industry by Brit band Heaven 17 from their album The Luxury Gap?For my last day at work, I'm planning to go in two hours early so I can search the station's sound library for this song. I want to use it in my yet-to-be constructed package ...The package that's supposed to air tomorrow at 5:15pm ...The package I'm making a mess of ...The

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115819002370129612005-05-11T20:53:00.000+08:002005-05-12T23:40:06.993+08:00

Opportunities are supposed to be good things. We're supposed to want them. When they're offered to us, we're meant to say, "Thanks for giving me the chance to prove how wonderful and talented I am! After I've succeeded beyond everyone's wildest dreams and I'm 'get fucked' famous*, I'll dedicate my memoirs to you! And commission a flattering portrait of you sitting by a window with a persian

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115393753650448772005-05-09T21:40:00.000+08:002005-05-10T07:05:29.360+08:00

In the last two weeks I've been to see a play, the Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow and a movie premiere where I was introduced to a cinema full of people who applauded politely and privately wondered who the hell I was.I've also met a few people in the Australian entertainment industry, including this actor (very nice guy and immensely talented); two members of this band (funny, good-natured

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115300139828034332005-05-05T20:55:00.000+08:002005-05-06T07:09:12.770+08:00

I've always found the 'sitting in the booth' aspect of producing a radio show to be the easy part. It's just a matter of recording everything, ringing or meeting/greeting the talent, answering talkback calls and telling the presenter what a good job he or she is doing. The real difficulty lies in coming up with good stories in the first place ...Step One: Convincing the PresenterProducer Niki:

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115159961675978872005-05-04T06:30:00.000+08:002005-05-04T06:39:21.676+08:00

Bear with me, guys. I'm neglecting the blog at the moment but I'd forgotten just how time-consuming actually working for a living can be. I survived my first week back in radio production ... just. The learning curve is every bit as steep as I'd anticipated but I'm enjoying it too. There are definite perks -- not everyone gets the chance to have a Federal politician complain about them after

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1115024891229952282005-05-02T21:54:00.000+08:002005-05-03T17:31:06.703+08:00

Because if you do, sooner or later Life will put on some cleats, do its little tap-dance of caprice on your arse and then you'll suddenly find yourself doing stuff you swore you never, ever would.Case in point: live football matches.I've always been rather proud that I'd never been to one of these. They're not easy things to avoid in sports-mad New Zealand and Australia. Admittedly, I did sit in

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1114527256100803622005-04-26T20:30:00.000+08:002005-04-27T06:53:11.883+08:00

It works! It really works!The First Day: Preparing for Wellness1. Decide to hell with it, you will go to that party and you will camp out for the weekend even though:a) you want to dieb) you're not feeling particularly enthusiastic about the continued existence of the rest of the human race eitherc) you're scared to leave your cat alone because she's so stupid she won't eat unless you walk her to

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1114155662710033682005-04-22T21:46:00.000+08:002005-04-23T05:49:49.746+08:00

Fascinating though it is to sweat and shiver simultaneously while noting the interesting way one's legs wobble whenever one takes more than half-a-dozen steps, the novelty wore off right around the time I discovered that our household's flu medication consisted of just four echinacea tablets. Nothing else; not even a bloody Lemsip.I lasted exactly forty-five minutes at work today before my

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1114014060751125742005-04-20T21:28:00.000+08:002005-04-21T09:22:54.623+08:00

I've been in two minds all day about whether or not to write something on the subject of this new pope. Part of me thinks I should; the other finds it just too damn depressing. And I'm not even a practising Catholic.There's this priest I know. His parish is situated in the low socio-economic suburb where I grew up. He's been there a long time, since before John Paul II's inauguration as Pope.For

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1113922086858497802005-04-19T21:48:00.000+08:002005-04-20T01:50:48.410+08:00

First there's the old ...Apart from me, how many people do you know who, after registering on an 'old friends' website, get a four-line email out of the blue from one of their former husbands -- a person they've had no contact with for fifteen years?Anyone?Welcome to my world.And then there's the new ...The Dreamboat has finally made the move towards establishing an online presence of his own --

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1113844406181763362005-04-18T21:56:00.000+08:002005-04-19T14:58:27.913+08:00

I've recently been thinking about the whole 'getting older' thing and have reached a conclusion of such import and profundity that I can keep it from the world no longer:Ageing is all about hairs. Or rather, the painful realisation that you've lost all control over them.They change colour. They fall out. They start sprouting where they shouldn't. And then comes the day (and come it will) of pure

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1113580079080130042005-04-15T21:47:00.000+08:002005-04-16T01:51:08.693+08:00

DB: Hi. I just rang to see if there's been a delivery.Niki: A delivery? Not that I'm aware of. What are you expecting?DB: You'll find out.Niki: Hang on, I'll check outside ... nope. Maybe there's something in the letterbox. (finds a non-delivery card from a florist) Someone tried to deliver ... you sent me flowers? Awww, babe, that's so sweet! (pause) Why?DB: You'll find out.Niki: Okay, what have

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1113461027814285852005-04-14T21:40:00.000+08:002005-04-15T23:55:29.013+08:00

... or Rooster if you prefer, but personally, I think this year's shaping up to be The Year of hot water Readers Having to Prop Up Niki on a Continual Basis.I appreciate it, guys. Thanks.So yeah, I survived Radio Training Session #2. It was okay. I tried to assume an air of studied intelligence, asked questions, resisted the temptation to feel overwhelmed and, at the end of a very intense couple

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1113415424352402182005-04-13T21:57:00.000+08:002005-04-14T02:03:44.356+08:00

So, that fascinating thing about nuns that I promised in the last post will just have to wait. Stuff has been a-happening at the Pocket Palace lately -- important stuff, stuff that takes precedence even over Your Correspondent's nostalgic constitutional down Catholicism Lane. So without further ado:A DevelopmentLast Thursday night, the Dreamboat and I were sitting in a restaurant, chatting over a

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1112800322687165492005-04-06T21:58:00.000+08:002005-04-07T15:37:10.936+08:00

Before our story begins, a little background:Kids in NZ start school when they turn five (at least, they used to and I assume it's still the case). They generally spend one-and-a-half to two years in what used to be called the 'primers'. Now it's known as Junior School or Years One and Two or something.When Your Kiddie Correspondent started school, however, she spent nine months in the primers

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1112675766909661662005-04-05T21:43:00.000+08:002005-04-05T23:24:47.106+08:00

I spent the first six or seven years of my Catholic life chewing through hat elastic and feeling very puzzled.The Hat Elastic BattleWe're talking late 1960s here, long before Vatican II impacted on our little parish in Christchurch, NZ. The Mass was still said/sung in Latin, the priest performed most of it with arms outstretched and his back to the congregation (who, in turn, spent most of the

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1112586132879125312005-04-04T21:30:00.000+08:002005-04-05T00:21:13.486+08:00

It's all been one, big, learning curve ...Friday1. When your guest rings to say he's stuck at fog-bound Canberra airport and his flight will get into Townsville three hours later than originally planned, it's best to just go ahead and do that last-minute housework anyway. But if you like the idea of puddling around on the internet all day and then rushing like a mad thing to get everything done

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1112237488370560042005-03-31T21:39:00.000+08:002005-04-01T07:19:19.660+08:00

Tale #1We have lots of Moth Things living in our pantry. I remember back when the first one arrived, all those weeks ago. It nodded pleasantly, hung around the pantry door checking out the real estate and waiting for an opportune moment, and then dived in. I let it stay because I couldn't get it out and I hate killing things unless it's absolutely necessary.Word must have got round on the Moth

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1112064311483900902005-03-29T11:58:00.000+08:002005-03-30T09:08:41.153+08:00

Ooooh boy, it'd been six months since we'd last camped and it showed. Mainly by what we'd forgotten ...Things Your Correspondent Forgot:1. Journal to record amusing camping anecdotes and events2. How to lock the back door of the fiery chariot to ensure it would stay open instead of swinging shut on large carton of orange juice, bursting said carton and soaking carpet on vehicle floor3. The

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1111681944993336612005-03-24T21:53:00.000+08:002005-03-25T01:17:12.723+08:00

I've spend the last two days making preparations for this weekend's camping trip. Two whole days and we're still not ready. How the hell does that work?Well actually, a lot of it's to do with the amount of shit we take: tent, air mattress, bedding, tarp with extra poles and rope, fridge, solar panel, gas bottles, portable barbeque, table, chairs, drinking water for four days (filtered, naturally)

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1111505073010552742005-03-22T21:21:00.000+08:002005-03-23T01:54:17.166+08:00

Today I got a letter acknowledging receipt of my entry for this and inviting me to the prize-giving awards in early June.Which poses a dilemma. On the one hand, I'd really like to go ... just in case. I'm still kicking myself for not going to the Logan Writers Guild's International Short Story and Poetry Competition awards back in 1999. I knew my entry had been short-listed but I was living in

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1111364736998732562005-03-21T21:47:00.000+08:002005-03-22T01:28:35.746+08:00

Here are some of the other revelations from our Maggie Experience:1. It only takes twenty-five minutes to get there by ferry from Townsville. If you sail at 10:30pm on a Friday night, like we did, you can expect at least one or two of your fellow travellers to be in an advanced state of non-sobriety. These selfless individuals will do their best to keep everyone else entertained by wandering

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1111326813140422942005-03-20T21:50:00.000+08:002005-03-20T21:53:33.140+08:00

... and not only am I incredibly gorgeous, I'm also incredibly sober.More tomorrow, when the world isn't falling at my feet and adoring me quite so much.

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1111131003709643702005-03-18T14:49:00.001+08:002005-03-18T15:30:03.713+08:00

You're a complete and utter bastard.What the hell have you done to me? There was a time when I could drink two full-strength beers, half a bottle of wine, a tiny sip of whiskey and four pints of Kilkenny in your honour and suffer no ill effects at all.Well, hardly any.Well, okay, quite a few, but not with the same degree of intensity as I endured for most of today. I'm assuming you were pissed

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110899815576555852005-03-15T21:45:00.000+08:002005-03-20T23:04:36.460+08:00

On Saturday afternoon we flew to the Harbour City for a friend's 40th birthday party! His name is Martin! I've mentioned him and his wife Kathy elsewhere on this blog!Your Correspondent nearly threw up on the plane because we'd drunk all the beer in the house the night before! She felt like complete crap!Kathy picked us up from the airport! The younger of her two little girls was in the car too!

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110519876646219372005-03-11T13:10:00.000+08:002005-03-12T02:16:21.306+08:00

If you're wondering why, when there's so much going on the world to get pissed off about, I took such exception yesterday to storm chaser Geoff Mackley's offhand remark that Cyclone Ingrid was "crappy", this might serve to explain:Contrary to what the quoted Sydney Morning Herald article states, it's highly unlikely he was chasing the cyclone "to collect scientific data". His companion probably

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110468298441725962005-03-10T21:19:00.000+08:002005-03-11T01:32:03.960+08:00

Cyclone Ingrid crossed the east coast of Cape York Peninsula this morning and travelled west over land today, towards the Gulf of Carpentaria.Although the cyclone hit the coast as a Category Four system, it was weakened by interaction with land and downgraded to a Category One.There have been no reports of injuries or major structural damage and you'd think that would be a good thing, wouldn't

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110357063952233472005-03-09T21:38:00.000+08:002005-03-10T02:38:34.483+08:00

Today a bloke came to fix the outside lock on one of our doors. Actually, he came to install it. I'd noticed it was missing a couple of weeks ago, when we came home from Mission Beach. Because, y'know, it always pays to be security-conscious after you've been away for the weekend.Apparently, the door had never had an outside lock. We duly reported it to the Chief Fuck-Up Person at the real estate

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110284740229740152005-03-08T20:25:00.000+08:002005-03-09T10:17:50.713+08:00

Satellite picture from the Joint Typhoon Warning CenterClick on image for a larger version.Key (colours do not reflect cyclone alert status)Top Red: Cape MelvilleLower Red: CooktownPink: CairnsYellow: TownsvilleAt Category Five status and with wind gusts up to 290 km/hr, this will be the worst cyclone to hit Australia's east coast in over a century.According to the latest report from the Bureau

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1110216859103833222005-03-07T21:54:00.000+08:002005-03-08T02:00:07.636+08:00

Owing to the fact that we still don't have any friends here, our weekends tend to be fairly quiet these days. We don't let that deter us, though. We continue to honour our weekend ritual of lolling around and getting drunk and having brilliant conversations we can't remember the next morning. The only difference is that it's just us ... which is probably just as well, given the number of glasses

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109912403929313142005-03-04T13:00:00.000+08:002005-03-04T23:12:26.776+08:00

I haven't been feeling too hot over the last couple of days, so in the spirit of 'misery loves company', Your Correspondent presents some results from Sunday's Building and Architecture assignment set by our photographic club.Yeah, I know ... my composition sucks, the highlights are burnt out and my selection of subject matter isn't exactly inspiring, but you can still click to see larger

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109912280540998782005-03-04T12:58:00.000+08:002005-03-04T13:45:02.346+08:00

Our neighbours have adopted a back-to-basics style

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109911923426816002005-03-04T12:52:00.000+08:002005-03-04T13:45:31.013+08:00

Flinders Street Mall, Townsville

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109911667782355712005-03-04T12:47:00.000+08:002005-03-04T13:45:57.126+08:00

Abandoned Post Office, Trebonne, Nth Queensland

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109774201971852612005-03-02T21:33:00.000+08:002005-03-02T22:36:41.973+08:00

... what about a bloke with constipation?I'm just saying ...

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109696313427676962005-03-01T21:47:00.000+08:002005-03-02T13:03:26.613+08:00

A certain photograhic shop in Townsville has recently been given a whole new lease on life.Your Correspondent goes there.Often.Like, at least twice a week.I'm certain that when the staff of this place see me trundling my lardy arse through the mall, they nudge each other and start giggling. I bet it makes their day when I wander in. How could it not? I'm the sort of customer that people working

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109604609235329822005-02-28T21:55:00.000+08:002005-03-01T00:04:44.956+08:00

Back before the Dreamboat and I got married, I was asked a few times if I was planning to change my name.Now if you're an impending bride, take note: people will only ask you this because they themselves have strong feelings on the subject. Their feelings are often so strong that they'll want to share them with you before you've even answered their question. You'll be expected to listen, and

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109469541030584532005-02-27T09:05:00.000+08:002005-02-27T10:03:27.966+08:00

We all know my polls are incredibly dumb. We also know I'm eternally grateful to everyone who's prepared to indulge me by voting. Thank you. When I'm famous, I'll mention you in my memoirs.But when the results are tied it becomes awkward. It means I'm forced to think for myself. And that's diametrically opposed to the nature of my polls, which are all about abstention from responsibility in the '

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109262351199542682005-02-24T21:42:00.000+08:002005-02-25T01:02:45.363+08:00

Today was the day I'd arranged to meet a woman from my writing group for coffee. I was really looking forward to it. Naturally, the morning obliged by getting off to a crappier-than-usual start.I was terrified of sleeping in, so I overslept. Really overslept. And when I did manage to haul myself into a vertical position, I felt so hurlingly ill I was afraid to breathe in case each exhalation came

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109168439229272902005-02-23T21:03:00.000+08:002005-02-24T01:04:28.553+08:00

A bloke I used to know told me once that I was a Very Young Spirit."It's obvious you've never been here before," he stated.This pissed me off immensely. I'd been hoping I was a Very Old And Wise And Special Spirit who'd been around the block a few times and was vastly superior to all the other plebian-type spirits in the universal 'hood."Why?" I demanded. It's possible there was a certain

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717371.post-1109081898588485692005-02-22T21:20:00.000+08:002005-03-08T22:15:48.760+08:00

You learn a lot when you spend most of your day at home. Believe it or not, there's an entire education to be had that doesn't involve eithera. gainful employment, orb. trying to ignore that senile old crock who's exposing himself to you while you read him chapter four of To Kill a Mockingbird in the name of 'voluntary work'.You discover the secret life of the phone, for instance. You might not

Violetnoreply@blogger.com0